365 days of memories
by WelshClaire
Summary: Oneshot set a year after Harry left for America, with Nikki looking back on memories as she tries to move on. "...whispering goodbye as she breathed in, wishing his comforting scent would tattoo itself into her mind."


**So this is just a short, slightly angsty oneshot, initially based on just one song which I doubt anyone will know, so I won't make you guess it - if you do know it, I will instantly love you! Anyway, that song is It's Been A Year (from the musical Lift, go YouTube it!) which instantly screamed H/N at me...ugh. The second song (from RENT) wasn't intentionally put in, it just ended up there as I was writing this. Enjoy!**

365 days. Right down to the hour, that was how long ago he'd left. Right down to the minute she thought, shaking her head as once again she found something else that reminded her of him. That stupid film... Okay, it wasn't actually stupid, it was brilliant, it had made them both cry. He'd suggested they watch it one night when they couldn't decide which film to watch, and having been given it by his mother (god knows why she thought it was his kind of film) and never seen it before, they settled down to watch it. RENT. At the time, she'd just taken it at face value, but remembering it now she marvelled at how relevant it was, 'Five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year?'

It had been a long lonely year, she knew that much. At first they'd kept in touch regularly then, as he built his new life in America, their emails grew few and far between. She'd learnt to carry on without him, but hadn't yet moved on. She didn't think she'd ever forget the way he'd invaded her life (even though she was technically the one who'd done the invading) and the way he'd departed just as quickly. She knew that if he ever did come back that there was a good chance he'd slip back into her life just as perfectly as he used to, and to an extent that scared her. The fact that her life wouldn't change enough for him not to be able to do that. The fact that she would be the one doing nothing with her life, patiently waiting for him to return, standing still while everyone else moved on around her before willingly accepting him back like a faithful dog when its master returns. She didn't want that, she realised. No matter how much she wanted him back, she had to live her own life. She couldn't put it on hold just in case he chose to come back.

She knew she couldn't erase the memories of him, and she didn't want that, she didn't want to forget him, but she needed new memories, the old ones needed changing. Things that held memories needed to be given new ones.

Memories of them curled up on her sofa, which stared at her now, on stormy nights as they watched DVD's. Memories of her clothes - he would always comment on any new outfits she wore, or any of the beautiful dresses she donned when they were invited to one of the university balls or dinners. Memories of his clothes, old t-shirts she'd borrow if she stayed at his one night that he'd never get back. Memories of him in her spare room after his flat blew up, filling her with hope that they might be forced even closer together. Memories of him sat at her desk, after she'd taken over his, grinning at her over their computers. Memories of him watching her as she carried out an autopsy, his eyes burning into her skin when he was stood in the gallery. Conferences always reminded her of the first they'd attended together, escaping to the pub in the rain, being kissed by him when she rambled about dried fruit.

She thought back to when she'd taken him to the airport, standing with him just before security, the silence between them awkward, knowing this was the end. Eventually she was the one who'd broken the silence, smiling sadly as she hugged him, whispering goodbye as she breathed in, wishing his comforting scent would tattoo itself into her mind. Then he was gone, he was out of sight and her barriers broke down and she began to cry. To have him in her life she had to rely on memories. Memories kept her hopeful.

** You know what to do now *hint hint* **

**C x**


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